First of all, Happy Thanksgiving everyone! This is my favorite season! There is something spiritual that always transpires during this time of year. Always a new thing that God teaches me around this time and never seems to be anything less than amazing.
There has been so much peace these last few weeks. Jessica and I have been really resting in His love, His word, and His comfort. When we started this blog there was so much excitement (and there still is!), we were ready to dive head first into His promises really believing they were right around the corner because of our obedience to do this blog as He called us to do…. well one month went by after the blog release, then month 2,….3…….4…………… Now month 5 and still no positive on that little stick. Honestly 3 months ago we got extremely caught up in what the doctors were saying, really believing and thinking that if we followed what they had to say AND what the word had to say it would come without any problems… but then somehow, I know for myself, I let the doctor and medication start overriding what the word had to say and I lost focus. I was so concerned about that measly little pill that I was taking it “religiously” like it was what I needed to make everything right. As stated before in previous blogs we are 100% okay with seeking medical advice, however when it becomes more of a source than the Word that’s when it becomes wrong. While on this pill I was constantly counting my days, checking my ovulation levels, even making the “baby making process” a chore to my spouse. I came across an article that happened to talk about that very thing. Instant conviction flooded me that I had been dragging my husband down to just a “sperm donor” (I realize this is pretty personal, but I know I am not the only one who has been through this). I immediately went home to my husband and apologized if I ever made “it” feel like a chore. The last thing I want is to conceive a beautiful baby like that. Of course we talked about everything and it was just so clear that I had really taken things into my own hands yet again, and I allowed what the doctor had to say to become more of my source. We decided to let go of that for a while and I haven’t been back to the doctor since, I have no desire to. There may come a time when I do decide to go back, but the Holy Spirit is my guide and that is so important to follow that guiding in every way. A few weeks after settling down, I began forgetting what google had to say and forgetting what the doctor had to say. I began to find that resting place with the Father again, constantly speaking those promises over myself and my body. So many have encountered different experiences and have all found their promise in different ways and I by no means come against those processes, but as the sun rises, I heard that small sounding voice speak over me, “Know this child, I have not forgotten you, place your trust in me and only me.” Such a small voice but came crashing down on me like a ton of bricks. I had, just for an instant put my trust elsewhere. I have completely let go and the past two months have been the most peaceful that I have had in the past 6 years I have been married, waiting to have a baby. To be honest it’s not even my main focus any more. I believe in that promise with my entire being, but I am completely happy to spend the rest of this life side by side with my husband, even if it’s the two of us. I will continue to rest on knowing this, God is still God, He is still my Father, and my trust will only be in Him. The price Jesus paid is still what gives me life, and life everlasting.
Psalm 62:5 For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him.
Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope
I still believe I will be a mother one day because He promises that to us in His word over and over. He even desires us to have children. You must always be careful to not put all your trust and hope in what a doctor can do for you. Just two months ago our pastor’s wife was diagnosed with cancer. Hearing those words was complete devistation, but on the inside faith in each of us as a church rose up and WOULD NOT believe that report. Pastor David stood by that pulpit on a Sunday just a few days after hearing that report from the doctor. Standing on complete faith that the they would have to call and inform them there is no sign of cancer at all, that they made a mistake. When we become children of God when stand firm on the healing He is already given us. His blood runs through our veins and nothing can make us incomplete unless we allow it. The very next day, Monday, they called and spoke exactly what he stood out on faith to say with authority, “there is not a single sign of cancer in her body, we must have made a mistake”! HALLELUJAH!!! Our Father is a God of love and wholeness!!! We are the ones that hold that authority over our bodies, not any doctor, not Google, and no medication can align our bodies!
Today, and everyday, I am so thankful for His faithfulness!!!
Just know this…. He is a good, GOOD Father!